she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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