This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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