I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Enjoy the penises
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
