I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
