Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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