She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
