I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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