Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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