went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
