I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You can't just leave with hair like that
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
