i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Randomize
