yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
