Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
