There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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