So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize