I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
