IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
