Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
