Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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