i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
