Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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