I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
