I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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