I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I am spending my child support on dildos
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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