I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
