I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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