if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
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My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
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So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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