TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
