Im at strip club and am horny
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
