I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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