The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Never underestimate the power of titties
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
