Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
