Apparently you make a good broom.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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