you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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