i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I booty called her while she was in labor.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
