For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
