Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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