who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
where does the pee come out of this thing
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
