Non-Jews are for practice
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
