I heard we made out
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
