He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
