I am puke
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
