By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
