I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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