a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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