the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
