someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize