Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
