When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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