she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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