I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
