well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
