i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
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Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
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Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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