after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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