SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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