I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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