Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
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The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
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You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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