im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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