he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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