Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
